Letting go of perfection 🐎

Why you haven't seen me in your inbox

It took me a long time to write this—I've been thinking about it for months. No, I don't have anything to share that will shock you out of your seat, and I haven't been processing something that needs careful words.

Actually, careful words are why I haven't written anything here in months. They're why I haven't written enough anywhere.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to writing. I think a lot of us are. I revise and edit as I write. . . . I can't tell you how many times I deleted, repositioned, and rewrote the words at the beginning of this post. This habit makes me great at my day job (editorial and marketing), but it really holds me back in my writing. If I can't create something that immediately ticks off all my boxes, I don't create anything at all. (I actually wrote about this a little on my blog—but of course, haven't written more about it since!)

I'm not happy I've given up on so many words before they even got written. It wouldn't matter if I didn't care so much. But I do care. There are only a few big goals I have in life, and "success" as a writer is one of them. 

A couple months ago, when I was reflecting on this with my tarot cards, I drew this card when asking myself what was in my heart.

(Seven of Fire, The Gaian Tarot)

I really like the Modern Witch version of this card and its associated Major Arcana card, The Chariot.

(Seven of Wands and The Chariot, Modern Witch Tarot)

For me, the Seven of Fire (Wands) is about DOING THE WORK. It’s determination, dedication, concentration, careful balance, and setting intentions with confidence. (And just look at its associated Major Arcana. What a badass.) Along with the other cards I drew, I recognized where I was and what I was ready for. I wanted creative exploration, but that required DOING THE WORK. And I’m equipped to do the work. I just need to be confident and move forward and DO IT.

I've kept the cards out since then, visible, hoping to take action and be the badass writer I know I can be. But I didn’t feel ready to move until I crossed paths with a high school classmate.

It was random—someone I haven’t seen in almost 20 years who I know was (is) also a writer. During our brief reconnection and catch up, we talked about our writing. I admitted I’m not writing as much as I’d like to, and he told me about what’s been working for him. He mentioned he’d written a few novels through NanoWriMo, which, for those of you unfamiliar with NanoWriMo, is National Novel Writing Month—next month.

NanoWriMo is more than a month honoring the novel, though. It’s not like this month’s breast cancer awareness. It’s a challenge and a community and, honestly, always sounded impossible and crazy. Here’s more about what it is, if you’re curious.

Writing 50,000 words—200 pages? When I freelanced, I got paid for 200 words an hour. 250 hours? In 30 days? That would require writing full-time all month, including weekends!

After looking through some NanoWriMo resources, though, the difference between freelance words and NaNoWriMo words clicked. Yes, it may take me an hour to write 200 words that require little to no editing and revision once I pass them on. I can't send a confused mess to a person who's paying for a polished product. 

But the goal of NaNoWriMo isn't a polished product. It's just words, getting them out.

It’s getting moving on DOING THE WORK.

Entering the fray with a bunch of other determined writers is the motivation I need (and that, hopefully, I will respond to) to actually write the novel I’ve been “writing” for pretty much my whole adult life so far. I’m tired of everything living in my mind, waiting for a someday when I’ll get it right. I need to just do it and work on it to make it right.

I haven’t been this excited about working on my novel in a long time.

Wish me luck!

P.S. I have something planned to send you next month. If I can get it done before November, you’ll see it around Thanksgiving. Also, here are some things I’ve really enjoyed during the past few months that you might enjoy, too.

• Here in the Night by Rebecca Turkewitz

• The Last House on Needless Street by Catriona Ward

• Moral Orel on adult swim

• Wintering by Katherine May

• Yankee Candle Soft Wool and Amber candles